Its kind of weird, when your eyes and nose, both are getting red. Then, the tears flowing down slowly wetting the face. People realised your lies. But, you act like nothing happen ; acting normal, walking around of thousand people watching you...
The tears come out without the intention. When you think of 'it', the tears will come automatically. If you know the switch, you'd put it off.. Because its so embarrassing.
When the night comes, your eyes would reddish. It always happen lately. Thinking of people assuming yourself as a good guy. They were wrong. When the time comes: The hereafter, all of them will see your past. All of them might be shock with you!!
But, how can you remove the book of your sins. The past can't be rewind, and every day the books get double. Nauzubillah, astaghfirullah.. But, people keep thinking you are a good guy. Its good when everybody saying your goodness, it's part of ad-do'a.
But, yourself keep haunted by the past ; Unstoppable regret.
You know yourself. You know how much your worships, but you will never how much your reward and the way of Allah assessing you. Hence, the heaven is not assured for you, while the hell always getting hot seeing your mistakes. Astaghfirullah..
~Maybe You are not the best for her. I dont know, how's The Almighty arranging the partner of marriage. We pray for the best~
Annur : 26, please believe on this fantastic word. It's one of gift by Allah for humanbeing realising their status.